Yesterday I held a workshop about the Creative Process, and I had a quite interesting experience that I would love to share with you guys.
In the last couple of years I was in an on-and-off relationship with anxiety, which seemed to me that completely disappeared a while ago.
But yesterday I managed to have a 5 hours long pretty severe anxiety attack right before my workshop, that made me realize certain things.
1. Anxiety is a gift, wrapped in a rather uncomfortable sensation-set. It’s warning us, when the “system” is overheated. It tells us, that it’s time to chill the fuck down.
2. When all ancient wisdom talks about letting go, it is not about a “doing”. It’s not like when you throw away an empty box of milk from the fridge. The essence of it resides in the KNOWING that the box is empty, so whether you throw it away or keep it, you won’t try to pour milk out of it anymore. Letting go in the human experience is about giving up the need to control the feelings we are having at any given moment. When I was sitting there with all kinds of overwhelming physical sensations, I heard that letting go in a deeper way.
3. We indeed have all we need in any given moment, to deal with any situation at hand. Half an hour before the workshop I was still considering whether I should throw up or no, whether I will have a heart attack at a tender age of 32, whether I will be able to even say my own name out loud, let alone giving a workshop… The moment the clock hit 18.30, I had all I needed to start that call. And it was amazing. One hour passed like nothing, I forgot I had anxiety, I even forgot who I am in an everyday sense. I melted into the experience of the channeling state, and almost as if the session took care of itself, me being there only as a pair of eyes witnessing it.
We are so much more than we think we are.
We have so much more going for us than we’ve ever dreamt of.
Exploring this is Life. The rest is just a dull attempt to hide from our own shadow. We cannot run fast enough to lose it, but we always have the possibility to walk under a lamppost, where that shadow retreat under our feet. And the only place and time we can do that is Here and Now. The more we hang out under that lamppost, the less scared we will get when we find ourselves followed by our own shadow.
Hugs and love,
Andi.
Andrea Jacso 